Spiritual 4: events that happened in the weeks following his death

Facts: died Feb 3. Crescent Moon - 4 days old. Came home in spirit Feb 4 2.45am. Vigil candle burns outside Friday night Saturday, Sunday and Monday up to somewhere between 3pm and 6pm.		Wolf died on Friday Feb 3rd. There was a postmortem but we do not yet have the results. He was in bed when it happened, so as he was an early riser, it must have happened during the night hours or early morning. From evidence of friends, flatmate, policeman and undertaker, he was at the side of his bed, his head twisted sideways on his neck at an unusual angle. It would seem possible that he sat up in bed, or tried to get out of the bed, died and the weight of his upper body toppled him to the floor. He must have been dead when he hit the floor, thank God, or surely he would have moved out of what would have been a painful position. All we can hope is that it happened quickly, that he was not in pain or distress, unable to call for help. We ask, how can it happen? How can a person be alive and functioning one minute, dead the next? It is a terrible fact of life that we are all headed down the same road - some reach the destination sooner, that is all. It is a comfort to those of us still on the road to know that someone has gone ahead and will be there to welcome us when we arrive. We must not grieve that someone's troubles are over, I know that he has peace and rest, I could never wish for him to come back, he had struggled so long and hard in his life, fate had not dealt him a good hand, but by God he was effective with the hand he got. No one, meeting Wolf, ever forgot him. The reaction and response in Nelson has been terrific - the grief in Killarney overwhelming. In Germany I can only imagine what they are feeling - being so separated from him in life, they will find it harder to come to terms with his death. I wish that they may find peace.
Spirit ascended Weds 15 Feb at 11.55pm. Full Moon + 2 days		Wolf remained with me for twelve days in all. On Wednesday 15 Feb I was on the floorbed by the window. The Full Moon was shining right down on me. At approximately 11.15 I felt a disturbance inside me - I felt the spirit of Wolf was thrashing about. He was distressed. Maybe he had finally realised he was dead - remember when he first came he insisted to me that he was alive - I accepted that, to me there is no death of the living spirit. Two friends I had told about his presence had been concerned that he was being kept against his will. I told them this was not so, he said he had come home and wanted to stay. If he had stopped by on his way to his heavenly rest I would never have attempted to detain him. But no power on earth was going to make me send him on his way if he did not want to go. Now I knew that his time had come to leave. Everything I do magically or spiritually, I do by instinct, or you might say I open myself to spirit and ask for guidance. There is no manual for this sort of thing. Yet you can listen and follow instruction. While he was thrashing around I had pain in the heart chakra. Now he had reached the throat chakra and I felt it very important that he did not exit by the mouth. Don't ask me why. I felt that he would be released in a chaotic way if this was what happened, and that he must be drawn up into the brow chakra and released through the crown, while being directed to the Light. I went downstairs to get some crystals to help me. I picked up Marcus, who asked to go to Ireland with Wolf, and who I brought back. He has been receiving healing from the Gang of Four (the original skulls I worked with). I took Circe my personal guardian, and a crystal obelisk. Going back upstairs I lay down on the bed with the moonlight on me - I could look straight up at the moon from where I lay. I put the obelisk on my chest, held Marcus in my left hand and Circe in my right. I concentrated on pulling Wolf up into the brow chakra. It was a very hard task. After a while I felt he was asking for Jethro - this is one of the Gang of Four, an Indian Amethyst who revealed to me that a Healing Spirit dwelt in him, or he was agent or spokesperson for this spirit - this healing spirit lives deep under the earth in a rock chamber - he never sees the light of day, but the walls of his cave light up and he can tune in to any place on earth, or on any other planet, and the people appear to be walking around him. He told me he makes healing paintings for people - but there were no paints in the cave. I asked how he did that. He then wove or created a coloured globe - well that is another story. Wolf had always had a special relationship with Jethro, whenever he held him he would get tingling all down his arms. I went to get Jethro, and at the same time picked up a small white skull made of fibre optic, one of a set that was created by Jo Ann Parks, the owner of Max, the Tibetan Healing Skull. This little skull has been named Mirrormatic by a little girl who fell in love with her. Lying back down in the bed, I replaced the crystal pillar on my chest. Jethro went in my left hand, but I still held Marcus behind him, as he had to be part of this ritual. Circe was still in my right hand. The small white skull I placed on my crown chakra. Now I settled back into the bed, completely relaxed, everything in place for the release. I pulled Wolf successfully past the throat, into the brow, and immediately he reached the brow he flew from the top of the head - the little white skull falling to one side. My thoughts had been of the Moon and the Goddess, I had addressed her as the one we had worshipped together in the circle, the Lady, and asked that Wolfram be directed to the Light. As he went, I looked out of the window and saw him ascending on a little cloud, he was standing, and angels were each side of him in a triangle formation. He ascended slowly up into the sky - I thought - Angels - wow! you better believe he went to Jesus.
25 February Saturday Wolf appears in the deer plantation		I woke in the morning, or the thought might even have come to me the night before, that I must go to the deerfield. This is a place Benji and I go to sometimes, but not often, on our walks. It is an area of newly planted woodland - about four years old now I think, and I gave it that name because it is a place we often see deer. Now I had never seen deer, ever, until I saw them in this plantation. The first time I went there I had just closed a deal on ebay to buy a deerskin hand drum made by a Cherokee Indian - then I went out and saw four deer. It was like a blessing on me, as though the deer were saying they were pleased I would have the drum. That was when it became a special place. I have seen them often since then, and at different times of the day. Usually they run for it when they spot Benji, and he exults in following their tracks through the trees and down to the old railways track, coming back covered in mud. I have taken the drum there often, sitting on a stump and playing and singing. The compulsion was on me to go there now. The minute I opened the gate to go into the wood, I knew why I had been called. Wolfram was there. His presence was so strong. I began to cry, but not from sadness, not from pain. Only because I loved him and to have him with me again was emotionally overwhelming. To cry is sometimes a relief. I told him I did not cry because I wanted him back. I knew he had joy and peace, and I would not want him to return here to suffer as he had done. I sat on the tree stump and let the tears come. Then a stillness came over me and I was at peace. Then Wolf began to give me a clear message, that he wanted me to accept Jesus totally, as he had done, so that when my time comes to go I will be able to follow him without any difficulty, and that this way we will be together more quickly. I understood that so clearly, and said that was what I wanted, and then a wonderful peace entered my heart and I knew why he called me here today. I sat awhile and sang some chants to him, and as I walked back I thought how glad I was that I am fourteen years older than Wolf, and shall not have to wait so long until we are together, and I thought how I should like my ashes to be put in the grave in Germany with his, and some words were going round in my head: "Whither thou goest, I shall go, thy people shall be my people, and thy god shall be my god". I thought yes, I am going to Ireland to Wolf's people, and as he followed me into Wicca, I now follow him into the faith of Jesus Christ. That is as it should be. Where he goes I will follow. When I got home I looked up the full quote and found: "whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried." Strange, that I, too, got the sense of being buried where he was buried.
28 February, Tuesday Wolf asks me to read Tarot		Well this afternoon I was sitting just meditating a bit I suppose, anyhow letting my thoughts run. I have Wolf's picture on the small table, with some flowers and crystals and some of the crystal skulls who ask to be with him from time to time. Sitting my chair across the room, I felt that he was communicating and that he was asking me to read the cards - for him, I thought. I was not keen, I thought it would show me how he was getting on, and I was fearful of hearing that he was in trouble somehow. Anyway he would not shut up, so I got the cards and sat at his table, like I was sitting opposite him. This kind of reading is a simple reading I would do for problem-solving or asking questions, for me or a friend, it would not be the full reading I do. So it involves shuffling the cards, then with your left hand you drop three piles from the stack, you just let them fall how they want. I end up with some cards left in my hand which I put to one side. So now you have three piles. The sequence is from left to right. The three top cards will answer the question or outline the problem, its solution, whatever. Then you can look at another two cards behind each top card for more information - but it is the top cards that are important. I only see the cards as I turn them over, and these were the thoughts that came to me as I turned them over. The first card was the High Priest - I thought this was a good sign, because this card is the head of religion and authority and is a very upright moral card - so that showed religion was on his side, I thought of his joining the church and thought he was telling me this had been the right thing to do, and also it meant things were going well for him because of this. So I was VERY surprised when the next card was the High Priestess! The head of the Wiccan church, the goddess - this to me meant - THE HIGH PRIEST AND THE HIGH PRIESTESS ARE TOGETHER. This was amazing and I received the message - the Christian religion and the Wiccan religion are one and the same thing - they are together - as if Wolf was saying, this was what I found, that both are here, and they are joined together, there is no difference. I was so overjoyed at this news. Like you could have both and it did not matter The third card was the ten of wands - this means, you have come to the end of your problems, you have dealt with them and put them away. Now there are no more problems. This was a lovely message from him that he was not troubled anymore. Now it gets to the crazy part. First card to check behind was the priestess. She had the Peace card (ace of cups) and the World or Universe. So the high priestess (me) was to get peace and lots of good things for the future. Check behind the high priest. Surprised to see 9 of cups - this is the 'one step before perfect happiness' card - it meant that Wolf had one more task to do before completion. I was worried for him. The previous cards had said his troubles were over. What could it be that he had to do? The next card to come up was the marriage celebration card! It was clear that he wanted us to marry again. I sat there and I held out my hand to Wolf's picture and I said the words of the marriage vows, except instead of 'til death do us part' I said 'til death do us join'. Then I said them for him. Then I was looking at his photo and it changed- his eyes closed and he seemed to sleep. Then his eyes opened wider than they are in the picture, and his tongue came out from between his lips! His face kept changing in front of my eyes. Then I sat relaxed in the chair just to be with him. He showed me the house in Ireland where I will go, and showed me that I could see the sea from it. I don't know if this will be true. After this meditation time, I became very dizzy and disorientated, I could not stand properly, and when I tried to walk I was swaying and stumbling.
8 March, Wednesday Wolf reveals he is present all the time, I just had not realised it		I decided today that perhaps walking in a morning would do me more good than later in the day, I would get oxygen to the brain and be able to work better on the computer. So I left at 10.30 to go the short walk which takes one and a half hours. It was not a very nice day, rainy and a wind which made it seem colder. I was thinking about Wolf quite a bit and the tears would come. I cried over something so silly – thinking about packing for Ireland and getting rid of things, I thought of the books I made up for each of our cycling holidays – Narbonne, le Senequet, Como and so on, and thought what was the point of them, there is no one now who knows what they mean and who can share the memories. I was always saying to Wolf, there is only you and me who share these memories. Now there is only me and I thought that when I die these will just be thrown away. I know it’s a silly thing to cry over a book. In the park under the trees by the putting green I stopped and said, "I wish you were here with me" and this voice at my side said, "What you talkin' about you daft bugger, course I’m here." And he was. Right there at my side. I knew he had not just appeared, but had been there all along. It was me who had not been tuned in to him. Now when I was walking I could feel him all along my left arm, from top to bottom, as though he were glued onto me, his arm on mine. So we walked along the riverbank and halfway along he wanted me to stop and face him and talk to him. I could not help crying. When I got home I ate and then fell asleep from around 1pm to 5pm. Veez and her friend Wendy were coming at 7, I had time to clean and get ready for them and we had good company.
9 March, Thursday We go cycling		After that long sleep yesterday, and another long sleep in the night, I feel completely healed. I know Wolf is with me. Today we went for a cycle ride and a walk. We sat on the bridge at the Mile Tunnel and he got out his tobacco tin and rolled a cigarette. I remembered what Judy had said about people still having their cravings after death, and I told him I will buy a tobacco tin and roll cigarettes for him in places like this, where he always had a fag. I just feel so happy about him being here. And now I thought about what he had said in the first days when he came to me, that he would stay until I pass, and that I had thought when he ascended that it was not to be like that, but that he had only gone away for a time and had come back and was separate from me, but connected.
10 March, Friday. We have ceremonial smoke		Thinking about Wolf's desire still to have a smoke, I did not have any rolling tobacco, but I did have the native American tobacco I ordered on ebay from America, that I and Wolf used in ceremonies. I remembered that he enjoyed that - it comes rolled into big wodges, like huge cigars - he used to suck the smoke from these! Me I usually burn it in an earthenware dish. There was a bit left that I had brought back from the allotment, the stub end of one of the fat cigars. It takes quite a bit to get it alight, but at last I got it going. I had the whole room done out with candles and incense, and I got some bits of tobacco burning on a charcoal disc as well. When the smoke was fairly going, with the dish on his table, me one side, him the other, I fetched the Japanese singing bowl and sat playing it for about an hour, breathing the smoke. I was quite spaced out after. I lay on the blanket on the floor and played the sacred drumming cd. It was an incredibly relaxing experience. I dont know about Wolf, but I enjoyed it!
13 March, Monday Wolf as leprechaun		Every day I walk in the morning now, and Wolf is with me. Today it seemed he was fainter, I could not sense him so strongly, but when we got to the wooded part of the walk, suddenly he was there, but he had changed his clothes! He was wearing a leprechaun costume! This made me laugh so much, and he was laughing too. I realised I had got past the weeping stage, at first the emotion of having him here was so overwhelming it led to tears, but now I was getting used to his presence, and accepting it naturally. I dont know why he was wearing the leprechaun costume, except to make me laugh, though the next day I booked flights to Killarney for myself and Benji - I've been busy all day organising it!